There was a snort in the bushes. Then there was another louder "Snort!" And the castle was gone. The creature disappeared into the bushes. The village was quiet. The only one who didn't get inhaled was Laura, a four-year-old girl. Her lips were trembling as she muttered these words: "The Earl of ... ... The Earl Of!" Then she fainted. The monster was approaching the kingdom of Eet. Nobody was safe!
In the kingdom of Eet, there was a girl. She walked over to her stereo and turned in on. She switched it to the radio. Some awful music started playing. Jimmy Souflet music. She changed to another station. Perfect, the Rolling Ants. Princess High El Lott loved the Rolling Ants. She danced over to her desk. Looking outside to make sure no one was looking, she reached into a secret compartment and pulled out a pack of Skittles. She loved getting sugar high!
While High was in her room, King Eet El Lott and Queen Diette El Lott were eating lunch together. King El Lott was eating his favorite, Spam! Everybody in this kingdom liked Spam! Diette, meanwhile, was sipping a Slim Fast shake, and nibbling on a Newton.
Downstairs, in the lodge, Real Headstrong, the castle knight, was putting on his new wooden armor, wanting to go fight a fire-breathing whale.
"Hmmm... I wonder how I put this on?" he wondered, "I wish it came with instructions. All it has is a Post-It note that says, �Undo latch, open, and climb in!� I don't get it!"
At Shamu's Drug Store, several customers were waiting in line at the register. Upstairs, the greedy Dogbert decided to earn more money by raising prices. Back in the store, High was waiting for Shamu to ring up all her stuff.
"Okay, let's see, one Rolling Ants CD, one issue of Vogue, and issue of 17, an issue of Cosmopolitan, and..." Shamu started. Suddenly, the loudspeakers boomed:
"Attention, sugar shoppers! The prices of all sugar products are now being quintupled because, uhhhhhhhhh, of a, ummmmm, a shipwreck! That's it! A shipwreck! Thank you, and enjoy your shopping!"
"...And fifty one cases of Skittles -- wait! Did you hear that announcement? I'm sorry, High, but for this money, you now can only get, umm ... hmm ... five packs." High moaned. This couldn't be happening! "I'll lose my addiction to sugar!" she screamed.
Real looked up at the sign. The name of the store was "Tutors For Everything!" Real Headstrong walked in, clutching his wooden armor tightly. He walked up to the front desk.
"Hi! I have a reservation for lessons on armor donning." he said.
"Yes. You're in room 216. Your tutor is waiting. Did you bring your armor? Okay, good. Come back after your lesson to pay!" the clerk replied. Real opened the door, and sitting before him in room 216 was Joe Montana!
Eet was eating Spam. I guess we don't have to say that again because he is always eating Spam. All of the sudden, he heard voices. "Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spammedy Spam..." Eet's mouth watered. He mumbled one word. "Spam!"
Topper Harley was the chief of defense for Eet. He was a good baseball player, always had clean teeth, and on top of all that, he could pilot an F-16 fighter jet. He was standing in the air force base. He climbed into his airplane. Making sure he had enough fuel, he started his engine. After getting clearance from the control tower, he blasted into the sky. He was headed to The Floating McDonalds for a quick bite before the war with Dogbert.
High ran from the store, crying, and jumped into her Masserati Station Wagon, angry that she had to spend all of her money on five packs of skittles. She turned on the radio. Jimmy Souflet on all of the stations! High hated Jimmy Souflet! All of a sudden, she saw Shamu Senior drying in the sun. The only problem was that he was in the middle of the road. He heard an engine. High's car! He couldn't get out of the way in time so he picked it up. High jumped out, terrified. Suddenly, there was a snort in the bushes. Both High and Shamu Senior heard it. Out jumped Steve, the Evil Earl of Urkel! Steve started sniffing. With one huge Snort, he inhaled Shamu Senior. The, with a plan only his superior mind could comprehend, Dogbert zoomed by, and bit Steve. Steve started shrinking and shriveling. Then, he turned into the dreaded Old Scraggly, the evil shriveled-up grape from hell. He tried to attack High, but she ran, screaming at the thought of nutritious food. She heard a jet engine. She looked up and sure enough, it was Topper Harley, finished his bite at McDonalds! The F-16 dived toward Old Scraggly and dropped a 2,000-pound bomb. At that moment, Dogbert came by to check on Old Scraggly and to see how his superior plan was working. BOOM!
Real Headstrong walked over to the store and up to Shamu. "Okay, Shamu. Only one of us will live. Shamu breathed some fire at him, for that was the nature of fire-breathing whales under attack, and Real's armor burst into flames. High had just arrived. She walked over to the marshmallow stand and -- started roasting some marshmallows over Real.
Eet looked out the window. A boat was coming into the harbor. On it, twelve Vikings were singing. The Spam song was growing louder. "They must be what is singing the Spam Song," exclaimed Eet, "and that means that they must have a lot of Spam!" Eet drove down to the harbor. "Hola, Amigos," he said, "do you have any of that Spam?" The Vikings said with a slightly unclear accent, "Yaew awer raouler, roight! Wae'll gayve ya Spaym!" Out hopped a fat Viking. "Hoy," he said, "Moy nayme is Spam Spammedy!" Eet's mouth watered.
Laura, the girl from the village came. She ran up to the squished and bombed remains of Old Scraggly. "Steve," she yelled. She picked up the grape and kissed it. "You see," she said to Topper, "Steve is under a spell. He slowly transforms into a grape. Only a kiss can transform him back." Topper nodded. He understood. He actually understood! Amazing! The grape started twinkling, and it turned into a tall, handsome donkey. Topper exclaimed, "I thought he was that nerd. What happened to that nerd?" "That was only the first step of the spell," said the girl, "The spell goes from Donkey to Earl to Grape. He was currently at the Grape stage. The kiss turned him back into a Donkey. He will stay that way until a dog bites him." Topper -- didn't understand. No-matter! Understanding wasn't part of his job.
Shamu was mad. He found out that High had helped destroy Dogbert. Now he wouldn't get his paycheck. He walked over to High and the flame in his mouth started heating into an inferno. All of the sudden, the donkey entered the store. "No pets in the store!" said Shamu; "It is the rules. Out. Out! OUT!" He shoved the donkey outside. Once outside, the sunlight hit Shamu. That, along with the donkey hair, triggered an age-old curse that only fire-breathing whales had. Shamu sneezed. His head turned into the head of a talk show host. He sneezed again. His body turned into that of a crummy lawyer, and to top it all, his language changed so that he could only recite cheap phrases of Jimmy Souflet in the combined voices of Ronald McDonald and Michael Jackson. This was torture. High had him expelled from the kingdom because she didn't like Jimmy Souflet phrases. She then realized how handsome the donkey was, and decided to marry it. They all lived happily ever after.
Eet eyed Spam Spammedy very carefully. He certainly didn't look like Spam, but he could be Spam in disguise. Without another thought, he slurped up the plump Viking. He was disappointed. It must have just been his name.